"Friday 8th January 2016 01:02pm, I haven't been out today, for some reason I've decided to work at home, I feel more comfortable, I feel more relaxed. Is this good or bad? I still feel like I can't be myself in the studio, it's starting to worry me, I should feel my best there. Due to this I feel like I haven't connected properly with the rest of the class. I feel more myself when I'm back in Blythswood Halls with my flatmates and friends who are also attend GSA, just doing different courses. I don't know what to do, last time I tried to work I started to feel down, I started to pull my hair out, which is something I don't want to get back too! I couldn't stop for awhile. I had to leave. I know I need to go outside and take photographs and videos of the area but I can't bring myself to go outing do that, maybe I'm too comfortable? I know I shouldn't be thinking too far ahead in life but I'm scared to have a panic attack outside, I'm scared, terrified incase my eye sight goes off, I start to loose my grip on reality. I feel like I'm trapped, like my surroundings are flat, my perspective on life turns around, I feel although I'm in a pernament tight space that I need to escape, like my surrounding are a photograph and I need to rip through the four sides."
Could I turn/ use this as part of my reaction to this project?
Turn it on it's head?
How can I do this?
Need to get back into studio - remember, just go in, it matters not that you make anything BUT in not making something you ARE making something!! Putting way too much pressure on yourself..
ReplyDeleteAlice I am happy to pop round tomorrow or Sunday after work for a cuppa if you like or we could go to a café in the site if you feel up to it? This project is massively chilled theres no immediacy, no time issues. I feel similar in the studio. I feel lonely and alone.
ReplyDelete"Overthinking is also my strength
ReplyDeleteIt makes me think more about things in life, it makes me question the mundane. It's made me realize that my thoughts are as important and as strong as my reality. They're able to create my reality."
That's a quote from you.
Remember how strong you are.